Vanilla for me please

This brings me on to the next stage in my journey. After ‘THE ex’ I couldn’t take it anymore. The thought of someone having any say in my life scared me. It simply wasn’t happening again. My trust had been given too freely and it had been misused. I needed someone who wanted me just as I was, all my flaws and failings. I found him. He gave me freedom and security, love and friendship. He taught me how to trust again and how allowed me to run free by trusting me. He never questioned my love and over time my devotion to him. He was unperturbed when others chatted me up or expressed interest in me. He fed the submissive in me sexually and brought out my primal nature but our relationship was vanilla. It’s what I needed, what I craved with enough in the bedroom to get me threw the day.

Still to this day he treats me like a princess.

After almost  four years together I came clean.

I told him what I felt was missing, what once again I craved. Our sex was never completely vanilla, I could feel something lurking under the surface with him. I can remember the first time he ACTIVELY took control from me. It wasn’t physical power exchange…. I remember his voice when he told me to kneel and something inside me clicked. I knelt on the wooden floor between his feet as he lowered himself on to the sofa. I remember the feel of his hand in my hair as he gently guided my head towards his thigh… I remember all that came afterwards like it was yesterday: the taste of sweat on his inner thigh, the way I could FEEL his eyes on my while I brought myself to orgasm but most of all I can remember the truly satisfied, elated smile on his face when it was all over.

 

Unfortunately I had looked for vanilla…and vanilla is what I got. He is a loving man and a wonderful boyfriend and his type of vanilla definitely has sprinkles. This is when I discovered something new…. being kinky does not mean you are kink compatible.

Once I made that discovery kink was no longer the issue. I realised that I had used it to cover up our other issues and once I no longer had that to blame I was forced to recognise the shortcomings of us.

 

Eventually we parted ways but I gained so much from this relationship. A deeper understanding of myself and the ability to trust in the good in men.

Now it’s just me…I think I’m done with vanilla.